Her Grimoire, by Danijela Zivadinovic

Waking up in the morning and getting out of bed was the hardest thing he had to do, let alone leave the house. Clouds turned grey, causing heavy rain to fall, pounding on the windows. Keeping focused wasn’t any easier, either. Every second became harder. A day later after he received the news about his beloved witch, he wished more than anything to see her again, to say words he had forgotten to say. An hour later, he arrived at the memorial site and parked the car. He sighed deeply.

Taking a few steps forward, he reached her grave and knelt down. Reaching with his thumb, he lightly traced the engraved letters, reminiscing. His eyes shut tightly. In that instant, a spiritual hand rested on his shoulder, except he could not feel anything. The ghostly figure of his witch knelt beside him.

The man started to talk. “How can I talk to my favorite witch about feelings when I kept them buried and never opened up before? How can I admit to secrets when this whole time, I led you to believe something different? You are truly someone special. You and I have history. That’s a starter. I had a nickname for you. The nickname is little bird, my little bird. I want you to know that I always cared about you, even if I had excuses for why I didn’t. Those reasons were just a cover-up. The truth is, I kind of love you. I just lived in denial at the time because I knew if I got too attached, everything would change, and now it has.”

She took a deep breath as she looked at him. He felt a waterfall of tears streaming down his cheeks. She said, “I am closer than you think. Even though I appear dead to you, that does not mean I am gone.” She couldn’t remember a single time when he looked this devastated. “You showed me enough,” she said quietly.

Suddenly, he did the unthinkable and grabbed the Grimoire, turning to a page that had a spell. He read it a few times to memorize how it was done. He said the words for the spell, focused, concentrating. He had to do this right because if not, there wasn’t an “undo” option. Seconds later, he felt himself being pulled into a new dimension he couldn’t recognize. Everything about the place felt unfamiliar. He blinked once and then a second time, eyes glancing everywhere. He turned himself around, only to see his witch present. The Grimoire belonged to her.

 “I needed to see you for the last time because I never said goodbye, and I want to do that now.” He spoke with a neutral tone and stepped closer. “I don’t know if it’s too late or if it will ever be too late to tell you things you do not know. All of your friends told me they got to see you for the last time, and I didn’t have that opportunity. If I had known you were in trouble, I would have sacrificed my life for you in a heartbeat. No questions asked. I feel like I failed because I wasn’t around when you needed me the most, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

 Although he apologized, she did not feel it was necessary at all. She looked up at him. “You have nothing to feel sorry for. I lived my life for as long as fate wanted me to, and then it was my time to go.”

He stared at the ground while he responded to her. “It’s not fair. You are a young and beautiful

woman who had her life taken away. There is so much you did not get to do and experience.” He sighed deeply.

Perhaps she did not understand why he was feeling like this, but she knew he had to move forward. “I want you to make me a couple of promises, please.”

 “I cannot accept your death. I do not want to live without you. Can I just stay here and be with you?”

 She shook her head in disagreement. “No. I am sorry. You deserve to live to the fullest and die of old age. If I allow you stay in my dimension with me, it would be very selfish of me. Keep in mind, I am thinking of what’s best for you.”

 He flashed back to the time when she went missing one day in the woods and remembered how relieved he was when he found her. The first thing he remembered saying to her was, “I could hug you right now.” His arms were opened wide as he waited for her to come to him. The moment she did, he was happy.

 “What if that is not what I want? What if I want to live in the new dimension with you?” he asked her, hoping to change her mind.

She remained silent for a few minutes and took a deep breath. “Life is not about having what you want. Life is about expecting the unexpected.”

“I wish it were me who died instead. You are going to miss out on so much because I wasn’t able to keep you safe.” A thought crossed his mind. “Is there a reverse spell we can perform?”

Even if there was a spell, it always had a price. “Maybe, but doing spells can cause problems I know from memory. I would not suggest it to you.”

After the witch spoke, he took a dagger and aimed it at his heart. He just wanted to die and never live another day without the love of his life. His body was shaking in fear. He brought the dagger closer and looked at her. “This is for you. This is for us,” he told her with a whisper. His eyes were closed.

He moved the dagger inside his flesh a little bit, making blood ooze from the wound. “I’d rather bleed. It’s the best thing to feel.”

Before he could go any further, she snatched the dagger away. “No! Don’t you dare think about it. This is not the answer. We will meet again in the future.”

 His time with her in this new dimension was only fifteen minutes, which wasn’t very long. He couldn’t imagine a world not involving her. This terrified him more than anything. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare. “Will I see you again? I do not want this to be the last time. Please tell me there is hope.”

She smiled warmly at him. “I will exist in your memories, just as you will in mine. I won’t ever forget you.”

They embraced each other tightly, tears forming in both of their eyes. He didn’t want to let her go; she didn’t want to, either. Time was running out. Before he knew it, he emerged into his own reality, alone.